Last night, I was feeling properly messed up, so I called a friend. We went on about everything: life, country, existence, the usual late night intellectual nonsense.

At some point, he said,
“Shishir, you’ve become very negative. India is a splendid country. Sab all right hai. Look at the positive side.”

Fair enough. I decided to try.

For starters, the positive side of the 2G scam? Dirt-cheap call rates. Without that, I probably wouldn’t even be on that call, seeking enlightenment.

He then started boasting about India’s medal tally. I instinctively went for a facepalm. I mean, sure, if it's Michael Phelps vs India, maybe we’re still in the warm-up lap. But look at the bright side, we’ve preserved our efficiency and productivity. We don’t waste time glued to TVs during sports events. That leaves our Bangladeshi maids with ample opportunity to… well, reorganize our belongings.

Speaking of which, cheap labor is another positive. Saves money. Meanwhile, an Indian citizen migrating from Punjab to Rajasthan might struggle for a ration card because paperwork takes forever, and rules are rules. But illegal immigrants? They seem to have a faster onboarding system. One week in, and they’re flexing not one, but two ration cards.
“Oodi baba, main Sunday ko aaya, Monday ration card banaya, I love India.”

Honestly, good for them. At least they’re earning their food here. Saves us the effort of packing rice sacks and airdropping them to flood-prone neighbors.

Floods remind me of rain. Or rather, meteor showers if you’ve seen Indian roads after a good downpour. But again, positivity. We’ve already bought the Land Rover; clearly, we’re preparing for the Mars Rover. These roads? Just prototype testing grounds. Why fix them when they’re helping us simulate extraterrestrial terrain?

With all this positivity, I went to sleep. Woke up 3-4 times thanks to nightmares, but hey, hydration and bladder discipline improved. Silver linings.

In the morning, I had a profound thought. Generations before us suffered and sacrificed, and also thoughtfully parked money in Swiss bank accounts. A kind of national reserve. One day, we might unlock this mythical treasure, some absurd figure with too many zeroes to count. The exact number is as real as a girl’s Facebook DP you fall in love with, plan your future, and end up gifting her a Gold’s Gym membership. Wrong example… but you get it. The fatter the illusion, the brighter the positivity.

Money reminded me why people were so worked up about fake currency entering from across borders. Honestly, why not outsource the whole thing? Send them the original dies. Let them print high-quality “authentic” notes. Cut costs. Build partnerships. If disruption is inevitable, at least optimize it.

On my way to the office, a diesel auto was coughing out thick black smoke. Normally, I’d be annoyed. But positivity hit again. I rode right behind it felt like gliding through clouds. Almost like Shimla. Same vibe, same nostalgia… except the cough this time was more… committed.

In between coughing fits, I texted my friend:
“Dude, the positive side of being negative is that I have zero expectations. So even the smallest good thing feels like a jackpot. That surprise is far better than this Gandhari style self blindfolding in the name of positivity.”

PS: Think positive. Think rational. Remove preconceived notions.
And don’t listen to what I say, do what you feel.
Although if you do that, technically you’re still listening to me.

Yeah… It’s complicated.

Tada.