Circa 2009, HRM Batch.

Our dean wanted to arrange a guest lecture by an Indian Army officer. According to him, the Indian Army was one of the finest examples of human resource management in the country.

Dean: "Class, we are getting Mr. Shekhawat for a guest lecture. I need someone to introduce him."

Me: "Sir, Ashwin is a great orator."

Ashwin: "Abe mai kab se great orator ban gaya?"

Ignoring his protest, the dean continued.

Dean: "Ashwin, remember. He is a decorated Indian Army officer. His rank is this, this, and this. He is from Sikar."

Ashwin: "Yes sir, got it."

After the dean left, I decided to help(ha ha ha... me and help Ashwin?).

Me: "Bhai, ek baat yaad rakhna. Wo pilot nahi hai."

Ashwin: "Kya?"

Me: "Army se hai. Pilot nahi hai."

Ashwin: "Haan theek hai."

A few minutes later...

Me: "Bas introduction dete waqt pilot mat bol dena."

Ashwin: "Mujhe pata hai yaar. Army officer hai."

Another few minutes later...

Me: "Bas confirm kar raha hu. Pilot nahi hai."

At this point, Ashwin was visibly annoyed.

Ashwin: "Arre haan! Pilot nahi hai. Driver nahi hai. Cricketer nahi hai. Singer bhi nahi hai. Samajh gaya."

A few moments later the dean entered.

Dean: "He is here. Ashwin, to the podium."

As Ashwin got up, I whispered one last time:

Me: "Best of luck. Bas yaad rakhna... pilot nahi hai."

The look he gave me suggested our friendship was hanging by a thread.

He walked to the podium.

Took the mic.

Looked at me.

Then looked at the audience.

Ashwin: "We warmly welcome Mr. Shekhawat from the Indian Army..."

A brief pause.

"...and he is not a pilot."

Another glance at me.

The entire class turned toward him.

Ashwin doubled down.

"Because he protects the nation on the ground."

And that is the story of how a perfectly normal introduction became a public clarification that nobody had asked for. 

Circa 2005, Location: JNVU Campus, Jodhpur

Ashwin was filling out forms for the 1st year of BCom. Being an awesome guy, had already filled it in a jiffy.

Ashwin: "Yaar ye kya form hai yaar, same information daal daal k pagal ho gaya hu, 20 page ka kyu hai ye ek to."

Shishir: "Mai help karta hu bhai."

Ashwin: "Name.."

Shishir: "Ashwin"

Ashwin: "Ashwin...theek hai...Father's name."

Shishir: "Sharad Agrawal."

Ashwin: "Sharad Agrawal, sahi... address.."

A few minutes later, with some triumphant background music playing in my head, he walked up to the submission counter.

Shishir: "Bhai, check kar le ek baar."

Ashwin: "Aab kya check karuuu."

Shishir: "Baap ka naam."

Ashwin: "Kyu?"

Shishir: "Bhai se sage bhai ho gaye apan."

The next few seconds contained a considerable amount of beep beep beep, after which I was promoted from "helping" to "filling out his form."

We were heading back after a pickleball session. 

Me: "Aaj reel dekh k seekh raha tha, how to play better."

Prateek: "maine bhi racket neeche se pakadna chalu kia hai, reach badh jaati hai."

Me: "1 inch se kya he farak padta hai, kuch nahi."

We look at each other.

"Farak to padta hai."

At times, we become so engrossed in the particulars and ticking the tally marks that we tend to forget the gist of the matter. This conversation was, in fact, a lighthouse to my rocking boat amidst the storms of life.

Me: "Bhai health ka dhyan rakhna padega."

Anang: "Bhai, mai sirf sookhi roti aur buttermilk leta hu lunch me. It's what the villagers do, an age old tradition hai, it's very healthy. Mai kya karta hu, roti banwa k microwave me sukha leta hu lunch se pehle and fir kha leta hu."

Me: "Bhai mere hisab se, sukhi roti 1 din purani hoti hai, the purpose is that the roti becomes probiotic, and it digests better. What you are doing in the microwave is killing the bacteria, and since it's fresh, it serves no purpose."

Anang: "hmmmm..."

I went to buy a water bottle for my gym class.

Shopkeeper: "Sir ye dekhiye Stanlay ki bottle, ye abhi market me kaafi chal rahi hai."

Me : "Kitne ki hai."

Shopkeeper: "7500 ki hai sir."

Me: "Itne me to gym bag, kapde aur gloves aa jyenge."

Shopkeeper: "Sir, abhi ek case hua tha, car jal gayi thi, is bottle ko kuch nahi hua."

Me: "Bhai, car jal jayegi to mai bottle bacha k kya karunga?"

Me: "apne paas shitake mushroom pade hai ghar ja k kuch banayenge."

Jyoti: "Tum sita k mushroom khaoge to sita kya khayegi?"

An Australian client came to visit. He was checking our chair collection:

Client (let's call him Mike): "So what type of wood do we use?"

Me: "This will be acacia wood. Rosewood is banned, just FYI."

Mike: "So is the acacia wood good? As in, will it work in Australia, and do people opt for Acacia.. am a tad skeptical... First time to India, never heard of Acacia."

Me: "So I might be saving this incident for an Aussie, just like you, my good sir. It's actually a what goes around comes back around... a boomerang joke... so, my friend Deepak Arora bought a boomerang from Australia, turns out it was made in Jodhpur, guess what...... it was acacia."

Mike: "So, it has a market in Australia.. but for Indian tourists... that's what you mean."