I went to buy a water bottle for my gym class.

Shopkeeper: "Sir ye dekhiye Stanlay ki bottle, ye abhi market me kaafi chal rahi hai."

Me : "Kitne ki hai."

Shopkeeper: "7500 ki hai sir."

Me: "Itne me to gym bag, kapde aur gloves aa jyenge."

Shopkeeper: "Sir, abhi ek case hua tha, car jal gayi thi, is bottle ko kuch nahi hua."

Me: "Bhai, car jal jayegi to mai bottle bacha k kya karunga?"

Me: "Mere paas shitake mushroom pade hai ghar ja k khayenge."

Jyoti: "Tum sita k mushroom khaoge to sita kya khayegi?"

An Australian client came to visit. He was checking our chair collection:

Client (let's call him Mike): "So what type of wood do we use."

Me: "This will be acacia wood. Rosewood is banned just FYI."

Mike: "So is the acacia wood good? As in will it work in Australia, and do people opt for Acacia.. am a bit skeptic... First time to India, never heard of Acacia."

Me: "So I might be saving this incident for an Aussie, just like you my good sir. Its actually a what goes around comes back around... a boomerang joke... so, my friend Deepak Arora bought a boomerang from Australia, turns out it was made in Jodhpur, guess what...... it was acacia."

Mike: "So, it has a market in Australia.. but for Indian tourists... that's what you mean."

 Random Joke. Which made me laugh like crazy. Actually, it's not at all funny, you have to be there for some jokes innit.

Me: "Deepaaaak tu MARR JA SAALE.."

Ketan: "Marr to ye jaata... Yamraj lene bhi aaye the... is bhai ne OTP he nahi diya."

It's an old story; circa 2017

We were setting up an office, and I wanted a non-generic phone for my EPBX. The ones that were supposed to come with the machine were too tacky, so I went to a famous shop in Jodhpur called Baheti Electronics.

मी : "भैया, बीटल का फ़ोन मिल जाएगा क्या?"

बाहेती : "नहीं भैया, नहीं रखते, अब पूछो ये मेरे पीछे क्या रक्खे है इतने सारे।"

Guy: "Why didn't you convert???? It's been long."

Me: "Coz I didn't get enough rice bro.."

Guy: "Bro that's like WTF... demeaning and insulting to me."

Me: "Mmmm... I just forgot that... Thomas am sharing the file in a while."

Note: Thanks to Samay Raina, I can publicly share this joke. We all should have some sense of humor and we should learn to take a joke.